You are cordially invited….

Sometimes life is surprising.

Seems that by the end of this week, I’ll be able to add “Royal Wedding Expert Commentator” to my list of achievements.

Image result for prince harry wedding invitation
Not my personal invitation…

This is particularly interesting in that all of the following fall outside of my area of expertise:

  1. Royal Family
  2. Wedding etiquette

What I do know though, better than most, is how to make any event an excuse to drink cocktails, as long as you’ve put the right amount of thought into your theming.

So that’s what I’m focusing on.

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Not my actual crew for my Royal Commentary gig

If you can’t tune in to join me on ABC Radio Sydney at 5:15pm AEST this Thursday, here’s a bit of a cheat sheet for what you should be starting to plan for yourself for the big day (which is Saturday, in case, like me, you didn’t care know).

  1. Royals start their weddings really early. Saturday at midday, which is a massive pain in the arse for anyone with children. And if you were trying to squeeze a quick gym session in on Saturday morning, it’ll be tricky for you too because your bus that takes you to St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle arrives in the grounds at 9:30am, so you’ll obviously be queuing somewhere a good hour before that and even though I’m a really new Royal Wedding Expert Commentator, I’m gonna chance my hand here and say it’s probably good form to have a shower after Zumba if you’re going to a Royal Wedding.
  2. If you aren’t one of the 600 heading into the Chapel, the best place in the world to watch the wedding from is probably Perth in Western Australia. The whole shindig kicks off at 8pm Perth time, finished by 9pm, and then you’ve got another hour or so to talk about it as you watch people who live off the public coffers get ferried about in carriages on their way to a party being hosted by Charles and Camilla. You’re in bed by 10pm on a Saturday night. Bliss.
  3. If you’re in North America or New Zealand, you’re going to need to be really committed to watching this sucker live. Even here in Sydney, I’m going to have to plan my evening carefully to be able to stay up until it’s over at 11pm local time. (Do you ever get the sense that the colonies just don’t feature much in their minds when the Royal Family plans these things? Yeah. Me too)

Assuming you still want to go ahead with it, consider the following libations to keep you in good wedding spirits;

  1. Penicillin – Saturday May 19 was World Whisky Day LONG before Harry and Megs claimed it as their wedding day, so you MUST have a Scotch Whisky cocktail. This Whisky wonder which we covered HERE, is perfect for Harry drinking a cocktailstaving off colds, but also features ginger, a tribute to world’s most famous ginger who is the star of the whole show
  2. Coronation Cocktail No 1 – this Fino Sherry, dry vermouth, maraschino liqueur and orange bitters sensation may seem to fit another Royal experience entirely, but it was created by Harry Craddock at the Savoy Hotel so I think we can slip in here
  3. White Lady – another Savoy creation, this tasty gin offering can be served in homage to the White Lady who presides over the whole circus
  4. Champagne Cocktail – cos’ we’re dead posh (even though we’re Commoners hey Guv’nor?)
  5. Espresso Martini – if you’re not in London or Windsor, it’s either an ungodly early start or a supremely late finish and coffee is very handy for bolstering middle aged stamina
  6. Meghan drinking beer.jpg
    Yes, you can take the girl…

    Old Fashioned – yep, surely we can admit that the whole idea of Royals and Commoners has had its day now?

There you go. Consider yourself schooled by a Royal Wedding Commentator and Cocktail Advisor to the House of Windsor Watchers.



PS If you are in Windsor and they do that thing that sometimes happens at weddings where you have to hang around for hours between the ceremony and the reception, I can recommend the lasagne at that pub near the gates.


7 thoughts on “You are cordially invited….

  1. I’m just hoping some of the commoner scum OOPS I mean Lovely Ordinary People who have been invited to the wedding but must bring their own dinner because the Royal family is too fecking mean to pay for it ( also bring a lot of booze and get up to some amusing cocktail-inspired shenanigans on the royal lawns …

  2. Shake, Stir, you have given me all the info I need on the Big Day. (What is it about royalty that inspires Massive Capitalisation?). Thank you as always for life changing advice.

  3. At last you’ve found your life’s purpose, I am duely inspired and will be tuning in!

  4. ooh exciting. when you go on the radio wear taffeta so we get a ‘vvvt vvvt vvvt’ every time you move. good for wedding-guest sound effects as you tip back your champagne cocktail. also, very important: wear nude stockings when you discuss the queen!

  5. I want to know which aged uncle will get pissed up and make an embarassing impromptu speech and insist on dancing with the bride, bridesmaids and any other female family member who is at least 30 years his junior, followed by an alcohol feulled long time feud spillover which deteriorates into a full blown punch on between two or more family members! gotta love a wedding!

  6. Will be knocking back a night cap to numb the pain… but I do like the idea of sound effects and suggest an added challenge: wearing a fascinator to rival Eugenie’s outing of a toilet seat to the last big royal bash! Bottoms up!

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