It’s Election Eve and I’m hoping that one thing we’ve learnt from the past week is that it really does matter how you vote.
I’m of the view that it’s better to find something to cast your vote in favour of, rather than voting against something, but however you choose to select where your vote goes, remember that it does matter. And if you’re a woman, remember that women have died for your right to vote, so enjoy the moment (and the sausage sizzle at the local school).
Something else that matters – a lot – is how you spend Election Night.
Particularly what you’re going to drink.
Oh sure, you could just open a bottle of wine and settle in to watch the channel of your choice. But why limit yourself to just one? And why not let the television coverage dictate a little of your evening too?
So here’s some cocktails to consider mixing up and drinking down as you watch Kerry O’Brien and Laurie Oakes do their thing. (There is a language warning on this one, but politics is an ugly business and sometimes you need the cocktails to do the talking.)
Blue Blazer – every time you see the PM, down this flaming concoction. And it’s flaming as in “on fire” not as in “Alf Stewart is not happy” so take care. Draw your own parallels regarding the PM – blaze of glory or going down in flames
Chill Bill – tomorrow we’ll see the Contender to the Throne pressing the flesh in his best weekend-casual, man-of-the-people, out-to-vote gear. Just relaxed. Chilled. Like him.
And this obscure lychee liqueur cocktail. There’s a Kill Bill version there too if you prefer. (With thanks to junkee.com for this excellent image)
New Englander – very difficult to get the ingredients for this one, but if you’ve got a can of Moxie lying around, go for a New Englander whenever you see our erstwhile Deputy PM. Here he is in an outfit that looks as good as Moxie sounds to taste.
In better news, the Old Fashioned was known for a while as a New Englander, so maybe go with that.
And if that doesn’t work, who doesn’t love the sound of a Cowboy Hoof Martini? Yee hah.
Coral Reef – if you see Minister for the Environment Greg Hunt, gaze admiringly at the Coral Reef in your glass and remember what it looks like. Before it disappears forever
Cup of Ambition – When Anthony Albanese was Minister for Transport he intervened in some sort of union trucking fracas to let a Dolly Parton concert go ahead and depending on tomorrow’s results, he might be pouring himself next week.
Cocksucking Cowboy – Cory Bernardi, George Christensen and Scott Morrison seem very interested in what goes on in the lives of consenting grown-ups, so what more perfect cocktail could there be to slam down when you see them?
I can’t give you an image because Googling this cocktail offers quite the education but it’s butterscotch schnapps and Bailey’s.
And if you get bored of those, try a Mount Gay, Dry and Lime.
If you’re interested, here’s some polling undertaken by Libs pollsters Crosby Textor on support in Australia for Marriage Equality. I think this is the right drink for these guys who are hell bent on opposing it while at the same time claiming to be representatives of the people (in fairness though, remember that the Opposition doesn’t have Marriage Equality as a binding party policy until 2018 – the only party that currently has it as official policy is the Greens).
Right, back to the cocktails.
Ciao Bella – I’m really hoping to be drinking these rather than the Corpse Reviver when the results from Indi come up
Adios Motherfucker – for Clive Palmer and anyone else you’re happy to see the back of when the Writs are Declared
Angel Face – because that Wyatt Roy is just as cute as the Dickens, isn’t he?
This is not meant to be a partisan post, it just seems so much easier to find a fun cocktail match for Coalition than it does for the ALP.
And the Greens just aren’t much fun at all.
Do you have any other cocktails to add to this list?
We’re likely to be in for a long count tomorrow, and will probably need to stay up until the results come in from WA, so you need to plan how you spend your evening.
To be prepared to make all of these cocktails, you’ll need more than 40 separate cocktail ingredients (and that’s with paring it down to just one type of gin), so I’m going to suggest choosing your favourites and then considering what might have been.
One solution, which I will employ (after the children are safely in bed, visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads), is to merely shout the name of the appropriate cocktail whenever I see Mssrs Bernardi, Christensen and Morrison.
Pace yourself, some of these drinks have quite the kick and you don’t want to wake up with a Brexit-sized hangover, scratching your head saying “What the fuck happened last night?”
6 thoughts on “What to drink as the polls close”
Many fabulous suggestions. I think I’ll go with the Cocksucking Cowboys for old times sake.
A wise woman once suggested to me that a better name for them is a “Helen Reddy” – that’s how I prefer to order them, together with loud versions of “I am Woman”
Excellent post, as always. Shame the election didn’t match the verve and wit of your offering.
Laura Dalrymple M: 0409 929 896
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Five days later and no result yet? The gift that keeps giving surely?
Sadly I didn’t have a cocktail to hand last night, just a depleted goonbag of hope, but i certainly got to enjoy that photo of our deputy PM’s crossover-season outfit as well as your always-welcome Dolly Parton reference. So I’m calling it a surprise win in those areas.
Remember Helen, every emptied goonbag is a future pillow. Bright sides abound.